she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
