i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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