There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
