There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
