I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
