Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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