I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
