I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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