worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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