Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
