accomplished twins. life is a go
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
