finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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