3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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