"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
