I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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