Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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