please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
