i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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