im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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