Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
