There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
