i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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