Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
