Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
