im drinking this country out of the recession.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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