Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize