maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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