Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
