I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
