Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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