i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
