it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
