twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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