We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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