How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
