You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
