don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
