Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
