I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Found the puke drawer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
