Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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