i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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