i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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