he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
