do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
