got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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