I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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