Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
