Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
