Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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