the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
