That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
