Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
