I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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