hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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