grandma shit on top of the toilet
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
