No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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