just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
