he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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