I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
