So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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