I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
