weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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