I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
