Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
