doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
