talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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