I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
