he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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