Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
