I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Two words: nipple clamps
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