I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
