Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
