you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
