I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
