hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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