I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
